I Can Do Anything Better Than You
by Semper13
Summary: I think this is funny. What happens if Booth and Brennan get into the argument of who can do things better? Only this time, they're SINGING? I thought that I would make this a oneshot, but i thought it would be cool to make Angela think she was going craz
1. BoothBones: I Can Do Anything

Booth and Brennan were in Brennan's office. Booth was laying on the couch trying to throw an M&M into his mouth. Brennan was getting annoyed by this as she sat at her desk trying to finish her new chapter.

"Booth! Do you mind?" asked an aggrivated Brennan.

"Sorry, Bones, but I really wanna try this! Parker seems to know how to do this and if he finds out that I can't..." Booth pouted without finishing his sentence.

Brennan looked at his childishness and rolled her eyes. "Give me that."

Brennan took the M&M out of Booth's hand and threw it up at the air and caught it with her mouth. Booth stared at her in awe.

"How'd you do that?!"

"I guess I'm better at it than you." Brennan replied casually.

"Why do you think that?" Booth crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow. Suddenly, Brennan broke out into song.

"Anything you can do, I can do better. " Brennan sang smugly.

"Ha!" Booth scoffed.

"I can do anything better than you." Brennan furrowed her eyebrows.

_**"No you can't,"**_Booth sang with attitude**.**

**"Yes I can, "**Brennan sounded more frustrated.

_**"No you can't,**_** " **Booth growled.

**"Yes I can"**

_**"No you can't,**_** "**

**"Yes I can, yes I can"**

"Anything you can be I can be greater Sooner or later, I'm greater than you." Booth leaned back and grinned.

_"No you're not,"_ Brennan laughed.

"Yes I am," Booth raised his eyebrows.

_"No you're not" _

"Yes I am"

_"No you're not,_ "

"Yes I am, yes I am."

"I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge." Bones sang quicker with more determination.

"I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow. I can do most anything." Booth smiled.

_"Can you bake a pie?" Bones seemed more excited, standing up from her chair._

"No." Booth denied.

_"Neither can I" Bones sat back down._

"Anything you can sing I can sing louder I can sing anything louder than you" Bones wrinkled her nose as she sang.

"**No you can't."**

**"Yes I can."**

**"No you can't"**

**"Yes I can,"**

**"No you can't"**

**Yes I can! Yes I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"**Brennan sang out and stopped to look at an amazed Booth.

"How do you sing that high?" Booth asks.

"I'm a girl, Booth." Bones said like it explained everything.

"You could've fooled me." Booth mumbled, earning a dirty look from Brennan.

"I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker." Booth gestured drinking with his fingers.

"I can do it quicker and get even sicker " Brennan boasted.

"I can live on bread and cheese." Booth leaned in closer.

_"And only on that?_ " Brennan asked, pretending to be interested.

"You bet. " Booth thought he had victory.

_"So can a rat."_ Brennan added, giving Booth a smug smile.

"Anything you can reach, I can go higher I can sing anything higher than you" Booth sang with a frown at Brennan's comment.

"**No you can't."**

**"Yes I can."**

**"No you can't"**

**"Yes I can,"**

**"No you can't"**

**Yes I can! Yes I can!"**

"I could be a racer, quite a steeple chaser." Brennan stood up and pretended to drive.

"I can jump a hurdle even with my girdle." Booth grabbed Brennan's chair and tried to jump over it with one leg, but got hurt stretching his leg.

"I can open any safe." Booth finished off, trying to stop Brennan's laughing.

_"With out being caught?"_ Brennan leaned over Booth.

"You bet." Booth nodded.

_"That's what I thought, you crook."_ Brennan accused with a crooked smile.

"Any note you can hold I can hold longer I can hold any note longer than you." Brennan sang.

_"No you can't,_ "

_"Yes I can,"_

_"No you can't"_

"Yes I ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n, "

**Booth seems to be bored as she sings her last note and looks at his watch.**

_"Yes you ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a--a-a-an_ ." Booth adds in.

The song stops and Brennan sits back down on her chair and Booth lays back on the couch. Both look at eachother.

"Well, that was weird." Booth broke the silence.

Just then, Angela walks in with a confused look on her face.

"Umm. Uhh...D-did, you know...uhh...Did you guys, by an chance...hear someone singing?" Angela asked unsure if it was just her.

Booth and Brennan look at eachother and reply, "No."

"Oh...Then it must be all in my mind. Sorry." Angela walked away.

Booth looks at Brennan. "I won't tell if you won't tell."

"Deal."

**A/N So I was bored and I was watching this song on youtube. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!!**


	2. HodginsZach: If You Were Gay

"Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, 'Broadway musicals of the 1940s'. No roommate to bother me.How could it get any better than this?" Zach sat down with his book in his office and began to read. Just then, Hodgins walks in Zach's office.

Hodgins greeted warmly, "Oh,hi Zach!"

Zach sighed and said, "Hi, Hodgins."

Hodgins heard the discontent in his voice and began to change the subject. "Hey Zach, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning! This guy was smiling at me and talking to me--"

"That's very interesting." Zach interupted and rolled his eyes.

"He was being real friendly," Hodgins began again, "And I think he was coming on to me.

I think he might've thought I was gay!"

Zach looked up at him nervously and in disguised shock. He cleared his throat, "Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care?I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

Hodgins noticed the nervousness in Zach voice and decided to confront him. "Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Zach..."

Zach stood up. "I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read." He sat back down and opened up his book.

Hodgins frowned in confusion. "Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Z-Man. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"I don't want to talk about it, Hodgins! This conversation is over!!" Zach sounded frustrated.

"Yeah, but..." Hodgins began and was soon interrupted by Zach.

"OVER!!"

Hodgins shrugged. "Well, okay, but just so you know —" He wagged a finger at Zach and began to sing...

"**IF YOU WERE GAY THAT'D BE OKAY. I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY, I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY. BECAUSE YOU SEE, IF IT WERE ME, I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY (BUT I'M NOT GAY.)"**

Zach lowered his head in embarrassment. "Hodgins, please! I am trying to read..." He looked up at Hodgins who was smiling at him through his beard.

"What?!" Zach yelled at him.

"**IF YOU WERE QUEER..." **Hodgins started to sing again.

"Ah, Hodgins!" Zach slapped his forehead.

"**I'D STILL BE HERE**," Hodgins squeezed Zach's shoulders.

"Hodgins, I'm trying to read this book." Zach stood up and walked away from him.

"**YEAR AFTER YEAR**!" Hodgins threw his hands up the air.

"Hodgins!" Zach whined.

"**BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME**," Hodgins sang to Zach.

"Argh!" Zach turned around, embarrassment creeping up on his face.

**"AND I KNOW THAT YOU..." **Hodgins waited.

"What?" Zach asked.

"**WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO**," Hodgins smiled.

"I would?" Zach's eyebrows furrowed.

"**IF I TOLD YOU TODAY, 'HEY! GUESS WHAT, I'M GAY!' (BUT I'M NOT GAY.) I'M HAPPY JUST BEING WITH YOU**." Hodgins sang quickly.

"High Button Shoes, Pal Joey..." Zach looked in his book and began to read random words.

"**SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS**?" Hodgins sang louder.

Zach looked at him with digust. "Hodgins, that is GROSS!!"

"No it's not!" Hodgins disagreed. "**IF YOU WERE GAY I'D SHOUT HOORAY**!" Hodgins began singing again.

Zach put his hands in his ears. "I am not listening!"

"**AND HERE I'D STAY**," Hodgins sang louder to get through Zach's ears.

"La la la la la!" Zach yelled out.

"**BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY**." Hodgins pointed at Zach.

"Aaaah!" Zach screamed trying to get out of the office, but Hodgins blocked the doorway.

"**YOU CAN COUNT ON ME**," Hodgins jerked a thumb at his chest. "**TO ALWAYS BE BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY, TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY, YOU WERE JUST BORN**

**THAT WAY, AND, AS THEY SAY, IT'S IN YOUR DNA, YOU'RE GAY**!"

"I AM NOT GAY!" Zach yelled out at Hodgins.

"_**If**_ **you were gay**." Hodgins reminded Zach.

Zach threw his hands up in the air. "Arrgh!"

Zach sat back down in his chair and read his book. Hodgins played around with one of Zach's skull model.

...

Angela had just walked away from Brennan's office. She found Brennan sitting at her desk and Booth laying on the couch trying to catch M&M's in his mouth. She swore she had just heard singing in Brennan's office, but Brennan and Booth quickly denied it. **'I must be going out of my mind!'**

Then she heard them. She heard two men's voices coming from Zach's office. One seemed to be screaming while the other was singing. Angela quickly ran to Zach's office to find them casually doing nothing. Zach was reading while Hodgins was moving the model skull's jaw up and down.

"Damn it!" She yelled out and ran out of the office. Both Zach and Hodgins looked at her confused as she ran out. Zach looked at Hodgins who moved the skull's jaw up and down to make it say, "_**If you were gay...**_"

"Shut up." Zach brooded.

--

**A/N: I wanted to make this story a oneshot, but there was a lot of reviews that wanted me to continue this, so I did. This chapter's song is "If You Were Gay" by Avenue Q for those of you who don't know. If you would like to know more about it, just go to youtube and type in "If you were gay spike and angel" of course this video is going to have Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Angel and Spike, but the song would be on this mv.**


	3. BonesvsCam:Hey Mickey Booth

Brennan and Cam were observing their latest victim in the lab. Brennan was casually looking through the victim's skeleton while Cam was annoyed by her casualness as she took the meat off of the bones. Cam just saw Brennan and Booth come out of Brennan's office in total awkwardness. She had been wondering what they have been doing and was frustrated with Brennan's coolness. Finally, she blew up. She dropped the organs on a bucket and took off her gloves. She made such a noise that Brennan looked up at her.

"You should be careful with those organs, Dr. Soroyan. They're considered as evidence." Brennan pointed at the bucket.

"What are your intentions with Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan?" Cam said impatiently and with little amusement.

Brennan's eyebrows furrowed as she frowned. "Dr. Soroyan, I should have you know that my intentions are between Agent Booth and me. In other words, it's none of your business."

"I slept with him first you know." Cam frowned as Brennan took off her gloves and crossed her arms.

"That's good to know, Cam, but why are you being so defensive between our relationship?" Brennan asked.

"Oh, so now you two have a 'relationship'?!" Cam stomped her foot.

"Are you..." Brennan chose her words carefully, "jealous?"

"No! I am not jealous! Why should I be jealous? After all, I got to hear him purr first, right? Why should I be jealous that he dumped me because of you?" Cam rambled.

Brennan opened her mouth to speak, but then Booth walked into the platform. He sensed the tension between the two women and cautiously made his way through Brennan whihc was a big mistake. Cam noticed that his first choice was Brennan, so she blew up in hysterics.

"Aha! See?! What did I tell you?! He left 'cuz of you!" Cam yelled.

Booth frowned in confusion and asked Brennan, "What's up with her?"

"You, apparently." Brennna answered.

"Me?" Booth asked. Suddenly, female scientists from all over the Jeffersonian popped out of no where and began singing and clapping.

**"Oh Mickey, you're so fine, You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey! Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey! Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey..."**

Booth looked at the lab in confusion.

"**Hey Mickey You've been around all night and that's a little long You think you've got the right but I think you've got it wrong Why can't we say goodnight? So you can take me home, Mickey!" **Brennan sang as Booth looked at her.

"**Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't You're givin' me the chills, baby, please baby don't! Every night you still leave me all alone, Mickey!" **Cam quickly took Brennan's place in the song.

Booth took a step back from the ladies as tehy began to enclose on him. He walked bakward until he collapsed in Brennan's chair.

"**Oh Mickey, what a pity, you don't understand You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand It's guys like you, Mickey! Ooh what you do Mickey, do Mickey Don't break my heart, Mickey**!" Brennan sang with gestures with her heart and hands.

"**Hey Mickey Now when you take me by the... who's... ever gonna know Every time you move I let a little more show. There's something you can use, so don't say no, Mickey**!" Cam sang after Brennan and picked her skirt a bit up as she sang.

Booth sat staring at both women in disbelief. Brennan scowled when Cam showed a bit of leg skin.

"**So come on and give it to me anyway you can**." Brennan made a come-hether gesture. "**Anyway you want to do it, I'll take it like a man. Oh please baby, please don't leave me in this jam Mickey**!" Brennan sang.

"**Oh Mickey, what a pity, you don't understand You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand It's guys like you, Mickey Ooh what you do Mickey, do Mickey Don't break my heart, Mickey**." Both Cam and Brennan sang in competetion leaving Booth in awe.

**"Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey! Oh Mickey, you're so fine! You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey..." **The women sang again.

**"Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey..." **The lab ladies sang at the bottom of the platform. Booth looked around in shock.

"**Oh Mickey, what a pity, you don't understand You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand It's guys like you, Mickey Ooh what you do Mickey, do Mickey Don't break my heart, Mickey**." Cam and Brennna sang and danced with the rest of the women until the music faded.

When the "music" faded fianlly, the women disappeared into their work. Brennan went back to identifying the remains and Cam went back to the meat on the bones. Booth sat dumbfounded for a while and then decided to let it go. the same thing happened to him and Brennan in her office and he prefered not to bring it up. So, he sat for a while and played with his poker chip.

...

Angela went to the nearest pharmacy to buy Advil for her migrane. Twice she had misheard her co workers singing. She came back to the Jeffersonian and that's when she heard the singing again at the parking lot. She thought she heard women singing, "Hey Mickey". **'They're not getting away from me this time!' **Angela ran back inside the Jeffersonian to see everyone as casual as can be.

"Arrrgh!!" She screamed out, catching the attention of everyone on the platform. She quickly left to her office.

--

**A/N: Well, I made this one because I wanted to see how it would be like if Cam and Brennan fought over Booth in song. The song is "Hey Mickey" by Toni Basil. I'm trying to pick fun and funny songs taht everyone knows of so that nobody feels held back.**


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